The quick answer is: It depends on the item, and it depends on which lab is performing the test.
Mandatory – or worse, random – drug screenings are the bane of each and every toker’s existence. In addition to becoming unnecessarily invasive, drug tests are a single of the easiest approaches for most employers to legally discriminate against otherwise productive, law-abiding workers. So, what occurs when a single of these drug tests are coming up, but your marriage to Mary Jane trumps your loyalty to your job?
For a lot of potheads, what occurs subsequent could sound gross, but it has worked for some people in the previous: Strap a compact plastic bag or condom filled with somebody else’s (preferably clean) pee to your leg, sneak it into the drug testing facility, and hope no a single sees you snake that stuff into the collection cup.
Or, if you do not occur to know any person who’s chronically sober (and that is to be anticipated in our circles), you can acquire some fake, synthetic urine to fool the drug screens. But do these merchandise basically reside up to their chemist-foiling claims, or are they just one more way for marketers to sell us empty hopes and dreams?
But, prior to we dive headfirst into an ethically questionable subject, here’s a speedy disclaimer. In some situations, attempting to fool a drug test can be a crime, in particular if you are peeing in a cup for the reason that your parole officer told you to, or for the reason that it was ordered by a judge. If you attempt to cheat a government agency, you could be facing prison time for fraud, amongst other prospective crimes. So, if you are on judicially mandated time-out, so to speak, do not mess about right here.
Also, despite the fact that it is not illegal to cheat a drug test ordered by an employer, it could outcome in losing your job. In truth, if you are caught, it is viewed as an automatic fail at most labs, which primarily implies the laboratory – and your employer – will assume you had been bumping ketamine and boofing cocaine all weekend.
Position #1: Synthetic Urine Functions. Type Of, Anyway
To start out off, what, specifically, is synthetic urine? Actual human urine is largely produced of water, but it also includes salts, sugars, and proteins excreted by our organs as waste. Synthetic urine is also produced largely of water, but it includes quite a few of the identical compounds discovered in genuine urine. And finest of all, it does not include any THC or THC metabolites, the tiny chemical buggers that the drug lab is searching for.
But why drop cold, really hard money on synthetic urine when you can just add yellow meals dye to some tap water?
Chemists are not stupid, and tokers have been attempting to cheat their tests considering the fact that the very first ones rolled out decades ago. So, when the lab could be searching for drugs in your pee, that is not all they’re searching for. They’re also searching for other markers that confirm the sample basically contained urine in the very first spot. Some of these markers involve pH levels, temperature (it improved be physique temperature or close to it), and creatine content material.
Synthetic urine makers claim that their merchandise meet all of these criteria: The fake stuff really should nevertheless function the identical colors, transparencies, salts, and creatine and pH levels as genuine urine. That is why people sneak this stuff in strapped to their leg: By maintaining the sample close to the physique, it really should preserve physique temperature, as properly. In truth, some synthetic urine kits come with an whole leg-strapping, heated padding technique, for your comfort, of course.
With these in thoughts, synthetic urine has beaten some drug testing labs. In truth, the drug screening market recognizes it as a substantial trouble (for them), which is why pouring fake pee into a cup could not get you off the hook.
Position #two: Synthetic Urine Is Total BS
In the drug screening market, there’s a perpetual game of cat-and-mouse amongst drug test makers and people today who, y’know, like to do drugs. As the psychonauts cleverly devise new approaches to beat the tests, the testing providers figure out approaches to detect the cheats. As the tests grow to be increasingly fool-proof, somebody comes up with one more trick to eventually fool these tests, and the cycle continues.
But drug screeners are not only educated on how to analyze the samples. They’re educated to recognize foul play, also, from the moment you step into the clinic, to when you are basically performing the deed in the bathroom, all the way up to the incredibly second you spot that sample into the technician’s gloved hands. They’re assessing the sample on its temperature, they’re searching for prints of bags, straps, or tubes poking by way of your pants, and they’re observing any other giveaways, like no matter whether you are sweating profusely, speaking nervously, or if you just came in reeking of skunky-ass weed.
Due to the fact most legit, respected labs use the newest gear and the newest drug-screening tactics, which consists of sizing you up and watching you closely for any indicators of cheating, you most likely shouldn’t bet any funds, your profession, or your freedom on synthetic urine.
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Position #three: Synthetic Urine Functions, but You Have to have Lady Luck on Your Side, As well
In reality, not each and every drug screening lab has the newest and greatest gadgets for catching cheaters. Nor is each and every lab employee operating at 100-% capacity at all occasions. Drug labs are extremely busy these days, and quite a few screening providers will approach hundreds — if not thousands — of samples in a day. There’s a fantastic likelihood somebody could slip up someplace along the drug testing approach, and if you inadvertently occur to dip into some of that luck, you can skate by scott-absolutely free.
Moreover, not each and every lab is equipped to recognize the newest synthetic urine formulas. Irrespective of whether the lab you go to is up-to-date or lagging behind is a crapshoot, and you can assure none of them will inform you no matter whether or not they can establish if you gave them fake urine. (In truth, even asking that query is specific to outcome in an automatic failure.)
So, in reality, there’s a likelihood that fake urine could function in your favor. But if you make a decision to go this route, make certain your fake peepee item was basically created for drug screens and not for kinky bedroom excursions. A lot of synthetic urine makers sell their merchandise to the watersports market place (and I’m not talkin’ about jet skis right here), so there’s a fantastic likelihood the synthetic urine for golden showers does not include stuff, like appropriate creatine levels, discovered in human urine.
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